Matching and Mirroring Copy

Communicating means entering into a relationship with the environment around us, exchanging information and transmitting precisely the message we want to other people without misunderstandings or interpretations.

In practice, achieving this goal is difficult because many elements contribute to the transmission of thought. Several of these are also challenging to control: the words, their meaning, their sequence, the tone of the voice, the volume, the cadence, the infinite field of the para verbal and so on.

Being able to pay attention to all these things is not immediate. It takes study, patience and practice.

We invite you to consider this course as a smattering of a broad and complex subject that requires in-depth studies proposed by high-level professionals. We believe that mastering NLP can help make every job easier and safer.

Let’s return to the bridge and begin the confrontation with the captain. Starting with the definitions of the words that make up NLP:

• Programming: every man has mental programs built over the years from his own experiences; these programs are editable.
• Neuro: These mental programs are natural neural configurations.
• Linguistics: language is part of our external communication system, and its wise use allows us to achieve our goals more effectively.

Studying the environment and the person helps us understand their mental structure’s ‘key points’. Those in NLP are called Meta-Programs.

Anticipating a passage in a subsequent lesson, we mention the essential meta program: ‘away from’ and ‘towards’ people. In the first case, the propensity is to prioritise the aspect of ‘escaping from danger’. In the second case, the effective lever is the direction towards something that makes sense.

Mirroring is undoubtedly effective, but it may seem fake and manipulative to some. What could create a sort of prevention concerns the ethical aspect, where the discordant note lies in the fact that one acts without the awareness of the other. We think it’s natural human behaviour, and only NLP reveals and becomes aware of it.

Mirroring purpose lies in the desire to be accepted by others, trying to be like them. It is a way to break down barriers by increasing empathy. It does not mean manipulating people into doing things they otherwise would not do. Instead, it means lowering the other’s natural system of distrust to lead him to consider something with a broader mental openness, that is, not held back by character preconceptions. This principle applies to anyone who uses NLP: getting in tune with a person leads us to consider their point of view, avoiding entrenching ourselves in a position of principle.

We must think that we naturally look for similar people who share thoughts, habits and ways of doing. When people recognise each other, they are more willing, “they speak the same language”.

From a practical point of view, to reflect ourselves in someone, we must start by adapting to him: adjusting the volume of your voice to theirs, imitating their positions and gestures using a studied delay to avoid ending up in the “mimic” and get caught.

From a dialectical point of view, we must pay attention to the type of language our interlocutor prefers to identify as a dominant style (VAK).

There are individuals with a propensity for:

• Visual: a language that will use phrases such as “Everything is clear”, “Focus”, “Show the picture of the situation”, etc.
• Auditory: “It sounds strange to me”, “Having a say”, etc.
• Kinesthetic: “I have grasped the concept”, “Touch with hand”, etc.

The list could be endless, but the important thing is understanding how it generally works.

Now, to improve the ability to understand the person’s preferences in front of us, we must train ourselves to recognise the kind of words they use and, at the same time, pay attention to gestures. Understanding which senses prefer the person we relate to allows us to use a language suited to their way of being.

If we use words in our speeches in line with his dominant sensory system, the other person sees us as one who “speaks his language” and receives our messages as “familiar”. In short, it is the first step to establishing a “good relationship” and creating the proper harmony, using a language that makes us recognise ourselves as similar.

After mirroring the other person for some time, we will notice that they will follow our posture. This feedback means that we have established a good tune.

If we can create this particular understanding, the other unconsciously led to respond more positively. We understand each other; the comparison will certainly be constructive.

On the other hand, we can use Matching to get in tune with the mood of our interlocutor. For example, suppose the person sitting in front has his face muscles contracted, leans forward and nervously waves his hands. In that case, it isn’t easy to get in tune with his inner state while sitting comfortably in an armchair.

Here, matching the posture of those in front of you helps you better understand their state of mind.